Fucking Amazing
by Kenneth Zathe
Summary: A newcomer has come along and Malcolm has to deal with her as his new assistant, When things turn around and rumors started flying, Can the two survive or drown in the rumors? Malcolm, As always is swearing like he doesn't give a damn. Rated T for that reason!


_**Fucking Amazing**_

_**Chapter 1: Rude son of a bitch.**_

_**Malcolm knew a new person was coming along, He fucking knew. **_

_**He could tell, Everyone was so fucking happy "... " said an unknown voice.**_

_**He turned around with a bankrupt look like always "Who the holy fucking hell are you?" he said with a devilish grin.**_

_**"Well, For your fucking information I am Kaydey FUCKING White!" she said with a grin.**_

_**"Hoh, We got a fucking retarded wanna be Malcolm Tucker here" he said with a huff.**_

_**"I am a new employee dickhead," she muttered and walked past "You a stupid hoe" she said with a grin.**_

_**Malcom was furious, He huffed and rolled his eyes "Bitch..." he muttered.**_

_**"Okay, Will you two PLEASE stop swearing?! There's a nine year old here!" exclaimed another person.**_

_**Malcom turned to face John with a grin as he walked up to him "Kiss my sweaty balls you fat fuck" he snarled "Now fuck off, and kid. Don't take drugs, they make you turn into defigured donkey's" he said and walked out the room.**_

_**"What the fuck is his problem.." muttered Kaydey as she looked at John**_

_**"Oh he is just a foul mouthed twat, You'll get used to him over time" he muttered.**_

_**Kaydey shrugged and walked to her desk, She heard Malcolm yelling again **_

_**"WHAT THE FUCK YOU PIECE OF HORSE COCK! WELL I AM SORRY YOU GOT FUCKED UP THE ASS BY MY FATHERS SWEATY DICK!" he yelled as he marched back in.**_

_**She rolled her eyes " !" yelled everyone.**_

_**"I am sorry you're all offically FUCKED" he muttered and walked off.**_

_**"Okay... That dude has hit puberty" she muttered. Everyone laughed loudly.**_

_**"Well.. At least I am not a little slutty twat who only lives on her own and thinks that a certain someone may think shes att-" he trailed off "Okay, Fuck it." he said and sat down with a sigh.**_

_**Malcolm looked down at the ground "What is this? It's like some cunt has shat a whole load of fucking pencils" he murmured and picked up a packet of pencils, Kaydey huffed and slapped him across the head "OUCH!" he yelled and rubbed his head as he watched her walk past him.**_

_**"WHAT THE FU-" he kept silent as Clint came in "Ah! Maclom!" he said and walked over to him. "Hey Clinton Clit" he said with a nyan face, Everyone rolled their eyes "What you cock suckers?" he said with an annoyed face.**_

_**"I need you to show the new employee around" he said. Malcom froze on one spot in terror "Kaydey?" he said and glared at her as he talked with Clinton Clit.**_

_**"Yes. Kaydey" whispered Clint "Oh come on! Why can't Stein do it!" he whined "He would end up dissecting her" muttered Clint.**_

_**"Plus, Shes quiet when around strangers" he added.**_

_**"Around you because you scare the fuck out of her" said Malcolm, He plopped a folder on Clint's head and walked out the room "TUCKER!" he yelled, Malcolm popped his head in the doorway "FUCK YOU ALL, YOU FUCKING WANKERS! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAA!" he yelled and ran down the corridor.**_

_**Everyone laughed, "You think it's funny?!" yelled Clint.**_

_**Meanwhile Kaydey was eating her lunch, She had a note pad infront of her, A long paragraph of words, and she had her headphones on.**_

_**"...Oh Marshall..." she sighed looking down at her feet kicking them in the air, She looked at the long paragraphs of words on her notepad, She started to read it out, It was a rap.**_

_**But Malcolm interupted.**_

_**"What the fuck are you doing?" he asked with an raised eye brow, Kaydey had a piercing glare as she looked at him "What're you fucking doing here oldie?" she asked with a small snarl**_

_**"Clinton Clit told me to show you around..." he muttered crossing his arms.**_

_**"I guess I'd have to deal with a complete douchebag" she muttered and grabbed her stuff and pushed past him.**_

_**Malcom shrugged and walked beside her "This is the shit house, This is where the nerds hang about, This is where Nichola has her period" he said, An awkward silence fell between them and Kaydey had an O_O face.**_

_**Malcom shook his head "That's all" he said and shrugged. **_

_**"O...Kay?" she said confused.**_

_**"See you next time..Then?" he asked with a smile.**_

_**She nodded and walked off, Malcom shot his arm in the air and whispered a "YES!" everyone turned to him, He coughed and fiddled with his tie.**_

_**Chapter 2: Just a joke.**_

_**The next day Malcolm woke up with a headache, John had told him that the others have been joking around about what Kaydey and himself might of got up to, But Malcom was in too much pain to get angry about it, Kaydey on the other hand, Didn't give a dog's shit.**_

_**"Kaydey and Malcolm kissing on the tree, are they having sex? YES THEY ARE!" yelled Nichola giggling.**_

_**Kaydey clenched her fists, Whirled around and punched her in the face, The room fell silent and everyone stared at her "Anyone else want their face messed up?" she snarled, Everyone shook their heads and got back to work, She kicked Nichola in the side and walked off.**_

_**".Ouu...Oooh..Ouuu..." she groaned and rolled to her side.**_

_**She huffed and wrote some notes down on a piece of paper, Malcolm came in with a frown "Whoa..." said John "Malcolm, All these rumors about you and Kaydey are spreading like fucking wild fire" he muttered.**_

_**"I made you a bowl of shut the fuck up and a jug of go and fuck yourself to wash it down" he muttered and walked over to his desk.**_

_**"Maaaalcolm, You finally popped ya cherry bro?" said Steve.**_

_**Malcolm snarled and stood up "Now, A lesson, What would you do if I told you to fuck off?" he asked, Steve shrugged "F-Off?" he said confused**_

_**"You'll go far. Now. FUCK OFF" he said sat back down. **_

_**Steve nodded and walked off.**_

_**"Malcolm... I am sorry" said Kaydey as she walked up to him.**_

_**"Why do you fucking bother saying a shitty sorry for something you haven't done you idiotic piece of horse shit" he said and sighed, A frown upon his face.**_

_**"Okay, Be that way you ponce." she said backed up feeling hurt.**_

_**Malcolm could see she was upset "Oh don't cry, I've had enough fucking blubbers from that nine year old dick" he muttered.**_

_**Kaydey stood there, A small sigh escaped her mouth as a tear fell down her cheek.**_

_**"Now, Kaydey.. Don't cry now" he said softly and sighed, He rolled his eyes and put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, Feeling awkward, She sobbed into his jacket.**_

_**"I am sorry..., I am fucking sorry." he muttered and petted her head.**_

_**She sniffled "It's okay" she said with a weak smile.**_

_**Malcom felt the corner of his lips lift up "I understand how much of a dickhead I can be.." he muttered and sat back down.**_

_**"..." she kept silent.**_

_**The whole room had somehow gone silent, Malcom was thinking as he facepalmed "Can you all fuck off?" he said a bit frustrated,**_

_**They all nodded and walked off leaving him alone, Kaydey walked back to her desk and fell asleep.**_

_**Malcolm sighed, He had a million thoughts in his head, Why does it happen?**_

_**He shrugged and carried on working, He stood up and walked over to Kaydey's desk and stared at her with soft eyes, A small frown dawned on his face "I am sorry for what I've said... I should be more careful with my words... It's just some fucking thing I just enjoy fucking saying." he said and put a chocolate bar on her desk "I was gonna have this to myself. But, I thought I'd make it up to you by giving ya something" he said and walked out the room looking back at her and switched the light off "Good night sweetheart" he said with a smile and walked out the building.**_

_**Kaydey woke up to see a chocolate bar beside her, She picked it up and opened it, She bit into it "Hmmph" she said and nommed it "Yummy" she said with a smile.**_

_**Chapter 3: New World Order, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT?**_

_**Kaydey was a bit pissed off, She had fell over, Got prank called by Frank, and. Malcolm was always on her mind, She couldn't stop thinking about him.**_

_**The sky was a dull grey, Pretty typical for London. She sighed and grabbed her stuff and walked down to work, Opening the door, She had a scar on her arm, She wanted to hide it from Malcolm... She doesn't want him loosing it.**_

_**"Hey, Yoko Ono" said a familiar voice, She turned around with a smile "Hello assface" she teased and smirked. He chuckled "You've learnt a fucking lot" he said with a small smirk, She blushed, She did not know why.**_

_**"..Heh yeah..." she said breathily, Malcolm knew for sure he had taken her breath away "Yer okay?" he asked and raised an eyebrow "Yeah." she said simply.**_

_**"Aye, You. You're like a snail...with athritis." he said to Toby, Kaydey giggled at what he had said as she stood beside her co-worker.**_

_**"You're not impressing her, Tucker" murmured Glenn as she narrowed her eyes at Malcolm.**_

_**"Me goal is not to impress 'er though" he said with a glare "You annoy the fuck out of me, Not just me. But fucking everyone in this fucking room" he murmured "and plus, I would never fall in love with a co-worker, Plus I think she has a boyfriend" he murmured, Kaydey knew he was trying to cover up his unmerciful affection towards her.**_

_**How much he wanted to push her up against the wall while kissing her...**_

_**Wait, What the fuck Malcolm?**_

_**Kaydey frowned, She never had a boyfriend "Yeah. I have a boyfriend... A NICE one" she muttered holding her arm.**_

_**Malcolm glanced at her arm "H-he hasn't been knocking ye about 'as he?" he stuttered, A look of anger in his eyes "If he is... I'll fucking tear his skin off with my own fucking hands and wear it to his fucking funeral" he snarled and clenched his fists.**_

_**"...Malcolm, Calm down" she said and put her hand on his shoulder "This is all he did... He cut me with a knife..." she murmured.**_

_**"THAT'S TWICE AS FUCKING WORSE YOU NUMPTY!" he yelled and tensed his shoulders.**_

_**"Malcolm..." she said and stroked his cheek "Shhhhh... Remember what Terri told you what to do when you're angry" she whispered as he looked up, His blue optics flashed a white, A look of trust in his eyes "...Okay..." he murmured tiredly and fell asleep in his co-workers arms.**_

_**His fabric suit was warm and soft, His head had rested on her shoulder and his arms were wrapped around her, She blushed and hesitated to put her hand on his head and stroked his dark grey hair, A small sigh escaped her mouth.**_

_**"I...I...Don't like when fucking cunts hurt the ones I fucking care about..." stuttered Malcolm.**_

_**"I know..." she sighed. "And he isn't really a true boyfriend if he's hurt ye" he added, That one hit her... James has always been so distant and never talked to her.**_

_**"..." she kept silent as he fell asleep again, Not soon after she was asleep.**_

_**Malcolm woke up wide-eyed "What the FUCK happened last fucking NIGHT?!" he exclaimed, He had his arms wrapped around her body, Kaydey only moved an inch and opened her eyes "WHAT THE-" she woke up blinking.**_

_**"What happened..." she muttered.**_

_**"Wait... We were just hugging" he said bluntly.**_

_**He didn't notice his shirt was off, and all Kaydey could stare at was him. **_

_**"Then why THE FUCK are you shirtless?" she muttered, "Maybe it was warm" he said in a monotone voice.**_

_**"Okay maybe theres a reason..." she muttered and walked off.**_

_**"GET A SHIRT ON!" she yelled.**_

_**Malcolm nodded and got a shirt and tie on, He grunted and walked downstairs and ate some breakfast.**_

_**"What is this about a fucking New World Order, They never told me shit about it" he muttered wiping the milk off his mouth, He looked over at the TV as it went on and on about the New World Order.**_

_**"Oh, The shitty conspiracy shit" muttered Kaydey as she snuggled into him, Malcolm moved his arm and put his arm around her shoulder as he hugged her closely, She rested her head on his chest as he kissed her forehead.**_

_**"Oh... The whole 'Illuminati is gonna kill us' bullshit, That is a whale load of shit, They don't fucking exist anymore" he murmured and rubbed her shoulders.**_

_**"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" she groaned as he rubbed her shoulders "Malcolm..." she giggled and squirmed in his arms "Hah" he chuckled and nuzzled her.**_

_**"You know EVERYTHING about me so quickly..." she whispered and stroked his chest, He chuckled and kissed her deeply on the lips, They were both oblivious of what they were doing as she fiddled with his tie.**_

_**"...I love you" he purred and kissed her neck, Her eyes widened "...What...Oh...yes..." she moaned and stroked his chest as he kissed her.**_

_**"Anywhere but the neck!" she whinced and giggled.**_

_**"Hahahahehehehhe" he chuckled and looked into her eyes.**_

_**"You're so sexy" she purred and stroked his cheek, Malcolm grinned deviously and nibbled her ear "I know you are" he purred "You fucking sexy beast" she purred as she kissed him deeply.**_

_**"Hmph" he murmured and kissed her back with a smirk.**_

_**Toby walked in "U-Uh... ?" he whispered, Malcolm shot his head to face Toby, Kaydey quickly climbed off him and wrapped her arms around his waist.**_

_**"Oh hey, Toby..." he muttered and bit his lip. "Sorry if I interrupted" muttered Toby.**_

_**"It's okay, Really" murmured Kaydey.**_

_**"Okay, Fuckidity bye Toby" he said and slammed the door in the boy's face, He looked down at Kaydey with a small evil smirk, He pushed her up against the wall, She giggled and stroked his chest as he kissed her deeply**_

_**"I love you... I want you" she purred as she pulled his tie off. "Hmmph" he said with a sparkle in his eyes as he kissed her passionately "You're so different to other guys" she whispered and stroked his muscular chest "Heh..." he whispered, He was a bit turned on, But he didn't make another move.**_

_**"Malcolmmmm.." she purred into his ear "...Oh..." he murmured and kissed her on the cheek and pulled away, He sat down in the couch.**_

_**"Aw" muttered Kaydey as she sat down beside him, Her hand slided down his body, He groaned "K-Kaydey...N-Not...N-Now..." he stuttered.**_

_**"Okay" she said simply and hugged him closely**_

_**Malcolm was in love...**_

_**Chapter 4: The Flashback.**_

_**I**__**t **__**was a normal day in the department, Malcolm reluctantly crossed his legs as he looked out the window, Wondering about Kaydey, He knew her name wasn't Kaydey...**_

_**"Malcolm?" murmured Kaydey as she stood behind him.**_

_**"What?" he accidently snapped. Kaydey flinched "Sorry..." she said and turned to walk off as she bit her lip.**_

_**"Your name isn't really Kaydey, init?" he said sternly, Her eyes narrowed, a small grin spread across her face.**_

_**"SO you finally figured it out" she muttered "Yes... My name is actually Taylor..." she sighed and shot a look at him. The spin-doctor sat up in his seat and laughed softly "That name...That fucking name." he chuckled.**_

_**"What about it?" she blinked slightly confused.**_

_**"Nothing, It's just fucking weird... It's like Judy's lybricated cock's name." he said with a devious smirk.**_

_**"...What the actual FUCK Malcolm?" she chuckled and sat down beside him, Malcolm shrugged "Don't fucking ask me. And, You look like you shat out a garage made out of lego covered with horse shit and meat." he muttered "Allow me to get a meat cleaver" he teased and smirked.**_

_**She facepalmed "Bitches be like. U WOT M8?" she said in a Manchester tone, Malcolm couldn't control the laughter coming up his throat, Making him fall backwards onto the ground. Her eyes were wide "You shitty cunt. Look what ye're done to me hair" he said teasingly and sat up.**_

_**"I know you love it" she grinned and helped him up, Malcolm raised his hand "Time to give ye a good spanking" he teased with a grin, She whinced and backed up against the wall, But Malcolm lowered his arms and pushed his hands against the wall as he leant close to her, They were against the wall, She giggled softly and stroked his cheek.**_

_**"Well then." he chuckled as her eyes scanned his features, They kept silent staring at eachother for a few minutes "Come on then, Fuck feature" he muttered as he pulled away and looked to his right.**_

_**"Okay turd feature" she said with a grin, "Yer fucking as playful as a fucking gay guy at a gay bar dancing with teleporting naked men, Now that would be very cuntish, they should put a sign on the local bar's door saying 'NO FAGGOTS OR CUNTS ALLOWED UNLESS YOU'RE AN AWESOME HOMO' " he muttered, Taylor just blinked at him "I agree" she said still blinking.**_

_**"That's nice..." she muttered and walked over to a seat.**_

_**"Aye, You. Ono Yonko and the remaining Beatles members, Piss off" said Malcolm as Toby and Glenn walked in, They both nodded and awkwardly walked out "Didn't he just call me a Vagina?" muttered Toby.**_

_**"THAT'S BECAUSE YER A FUCKING PUSSY!" yelled Malcolm out the door, Taylor literally rolled her eyes and got on with it, She wondered what Malcolm would do if she told him what her abusive boyfriend did to her, He'd probably get so angry he'll smash the window.**_


End file.
